I started a journey back in October 2016. It was a very low point for me. I was feeling stuck, feeling lost, feeling unappreciated, letting the word “should” rule my daily life. I should be this, I should be doing that, I should feel this way, I should not feel that way, I should not drink so much, I should eat better, I should exercise, I should not weigh this much, I should just say it, I should not put up with this, with that, and so on and so on. Should was allowing me to give situations and others so much more power than they truly had, and at the same time I was not taking responsibility for my own life, thoughts and happiness. Not to mention, I was sick of myself. Sick of the negative chatter, and the endless pity party. I was not good company to be in.
It was time to say goodbye to the Debbie Downer version of myself. I didn’t like her. She’s a bitch.
I’ve never been one to be into self-help books, podcasts or blogs. But then again, I had never really given them a real exploration. I discovered a number or sources that came to me at just the right time, starting with a book I received through an exchange on social media. That led to conversations with friends who shared similar stories and in turn the resources they had discovered when they too were seeking a change.
I dived in. I have become a voracious reader of these gems. From The Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod, to The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin, The Desire Map, by Danielle LaPorte and Extreme Ownership, by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin – these books have all been fantastic for me. Life changing. They have sparked a new outlook, created a number of healthy and inspiring conversations, and introduced a positive energy swirling in my life. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is no silver bullet. I’m not into gurus. I want to be my own guru and gather healthy insights from others who are doing the same for themselves and generously offering those insights to the universe. And along they way develop, apply and share my own.
I realize that the way I am going about this journey, through books, a fitness focus and accountability groups is my way of asking for and getting help. The act of checking in with others everyday, who are committed to the same effort, has made all the difference in the world for me. And, it feels like I finally found a healthy and worthwhile way to use Facebook. Huzzah!
In addition to participating in my accountability groups, I’m also finding ways to be accountable to myself. Through writing, exploring new fields, and focusing on improving the health of my body and mind, I am finding a new optimism. A new power. I am saying hello to myself again, and I like who I see. She’s neat.
At the start of this journey I remember saying out loud, “it’s time.” It’s time to stop the negative self-talk, to love life and be the best me that I know I can be. To stop chasing and start living more in each moment and day. To get to know my passions again, one by one. Break it down!
So…with that in mind…
One of my desires is to write a book this year. It’s been a long time dream of mine. As part of that journey and commitment, I’m taking my birthday month of March to put my writing, no matter how personal, how bad, how nonsensical, out in the world through daily posts on my blog. So, for the next 30 days, I’m going for it. Some of the posts will suck. Bad. And I’m actually strangely excited about that. Some I will feel really great about. Some no one will read but me. Some will be filled with grammatical nightmares. Some will be painful, and some a joy.
So here we go. Ripping off the band-aid. Taking the leap. Day 1.